Stories By Mrs. Thompson's First Grade Class

Whilst digging through old boxes at home, I've rediscovered some priceless childhood treasures, which incidentally prove that I've been a bit weird since way back when. Among the earliest of these juvenilia is the series Stories By Mrs. Thompson's First Grade Class, including I Am a Penguin, (I Am) A Witch, I Am the Easter Bunny, and the culminating masterpiece I Am a Ladybug.

The exercise is simple and formulaic: starting with "I am a ____," kids write (actually dictate, most likely) a biographical short story, including many prompted elements such as what the hero(ine) likes / doesn't like, where (s)he lives, what his/her name is, what (s)he looks like, etc. It also appears that example stories were read to the class beforehand, resulting in some similar plot threads throughout (such as the Peter Rabbit references in the Easter Bunny collection).

But anyhow, on to the stories. The first is A Witch, from Halloween-time 1986.

From Stories By Mrs. Thompson's First Grade Class

Most stories get an 'A' for Automaton; they are predictable to a T. Witches named Witchy-Witch are black. They have black cats. They fly. They have brooms. They make potions. They are mean. They are green. But occasionally there are amusing bits that stand out. For example, there are those that resemble personals ads:

"I can cook. I'm angry. I look funny."

"I can cast a spell. I can cook. I can melt."
(As in, transitively melting cheese?)

Then there are the conflicted witches:

"I hate witches. I am green. I have a black cat. I like witches."
Ok, this boy gets a B.

"I hate you. I do bad things. I am a bad witch. I have a black cat. My friends hate me."
We might want to refer this budding young author to a school counselor.

Then there is the cavalcade of names. Oh how amusing, the appellations appellated by children! (Imagine if we let children choose their own names.) For the witches, names run the gamut from the mundane: Fred, Brad, Elizabeth, Kerry, Ned, Amy, Hazel, Brad, and Kit; to the descriptive: Monster, Potion-Lady, Spooky, Crackels, Witch-A-Boo, Witchy, Spooky, McBoo, Spooky, Witchy Wash, Witchy Witch, and Witch-Witch; then there are the puzzling/interesting: Nail, Lizard, Moon, Lizard Brain (a trend!), and Snakes; and the bizarre: Boob (?!), Shu-Shu, and my contribution, MOONTER THEIS.

Read a few stories below:

From Stories By Mrs. Thompson's First Grade Class

Moonter Theis wins!!